Awkward Feelings

 Sometimes weird things happen, but fewer times they occur the same day. They kept me thinking and   feeling all this past weekend. Some stupid things, some sincere things.

"Probably, you've already done things in life that I've never even thought about"

I've already felt that, and I don't want to feel it again. That uncomfortable feeling that you're being used by someone, like you're satisfying another person's desire just because it's funny for him. I wouldn't feel comfortable in a situation where I'm just one more girl from the list of successful conquests. One conquest more to boast about.
I wouldn't feel ok if someone thinks I'm a girl who likes to fool around with men. And I don't think that one person can have a sexual relatioship with someone without compromising any feelings. Like nothing serious, just for fun. Do I really think so? If I do have sth with sb just for fun, will I be betraying all my former values? There's no fun when you don't feel love as much as you think  you deserve. Don't you think?

"I shouldn't just speak out whatever it comes to my mind without really thinking the meaning of my words"

I've already talked about this. Many misunderstanding come when I just say the first thing that springs up in my mind. There's always who gets hurt with what I say when I'm angry or many misunderstanding come on the way when I'm too insecure about what to do in a certain situation.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just an ugly person who doesn't really care about other person's feelings. I hope not.


See you next post...